Compliance/ Dominance-Based Approach:
- Prioritizes obedience and control in relationships of all ages
- Says "I am the boss" and others have no agency/autonomy
- Uses fear, shame, guilt, dominance and sometimes violence
- Creates emotional distancing with Kids, Adults or Partners
- Teaches power is more important than relationship and compassion
- Kids, Adults, Partners all learn to "hide" their behavior/stress responses
Indulgence/ Pacification-Based Approach:
- Prioritizes harmony over structure and authentic relationship; quick fixes
- Says "whatever you want"
- Uses bribes
- Creates emotional enmeshment
- Creates confusion for who is child, who is adult, who is a safe partner
- Teaches a continuum of entitlement and soothing through consumption of whatever they want through anger, demanding words, substance abuse because no real connection
- Kids, adults or partners learn that their "misbehavior" is effective, though toxic
Cooperation/Collaborative-Based Approach:
- Prioritizes relationship and growth over power and control
- Says "I've got you" we are in this together
- Uses empathy, consistency, playfulness, communication, and structure
- Provides predictability and sense of security within belonging
- Creates emotional resiliency
- Teaches that a Parent or Partner is reliable for teaching and guiding
- Kids, Adults and Partners learn how to understand their behavior and make changes because they know they are valued.